Acceptance
by ObsessedCompletely
Summary: post season 3 final. ryan and the rest cope with marissas death. ryan angst . ryan goes back to being what he was before he came to the cohens after marissas death and the cohens try to bring him on the right path.
1. Chapter 1 the aftermath

"

Post season three season final. Sort of a filling to the 5 months , from where the show actually begins . how ryan handles marissas death . a lot of angst .

Chapter 1 : breaking the news

_marissa"_

"_marissa"_

"_no, no"…a tear flew down his cheek_

_ryan sat there on the road with marissa in his arms , he couldn't believe it he just couldn't believe it , how could she be dead . a series of flashes swept through his mind , the first time they met down the driveway , their first kiss on the ferris wheel, they re dance together at prom… , she was marissa , she d become such a big part of his life over these 3 yrs that he just couldn't imagine life without her.__he sat there for a long time trying to absorb what had happened…. When his phone started ringing , it was sandy . he looked at his watch it was 2 o clock , he should have been home hours ago._

"_ryan , where are you , is everything ok ?" sandy asked_

_ryan could barely remove a "no" from his mouth ._

"_marissa…..marissa.." he said in a tearful voice._

"_what happened to marissa ?"_

_ryan managed to tell him the address and in about half an hour, being far away from home sandy and Kirsten arrived. They were completely shocked to find marissa lying in ryans arms like that and the both of them on the road._

_Ryan s car was still on fire , which could be seen a few metres away._

"_oh my god" Kirsten said looking at the two of them_

_she headed towards them "ryan are you ok?"_

_all he could do was look at her .she then saw marissa and a tear rolled down her cheak._

_Sandy called the ambulance. _

_The ambulance came and took marissa to the hospital on a stretcher . they confirmed that she was dead._

_They arrived at the hospital , Julie , doctor Roberts and kaitlin reached there too._

_Sandy told Julie about marissa ,she fell on the floor at once . Dr Roberts sat with her , kaitlin was in shock._

_Ryan after much resistence had been taken in for a check up._

_Seth and summer had been called ._

"_no , marissa cant die , no , no" summer ran out as soon of the hospital as soon as she heard the news from her father , seth followed her._

_sandy and Kirsten waited for news on ryan. A young lady came towards them._

"_hi I am doctor tancredi , are you here for ryan atwood ?"_

"_yeah , how is he , is he ok?" sandy asked anxiously._

" _ryan has a sprained arm , a few stiches and a cut on his head , but other than that hes fine. Mainly in shock"_

" _can we see him" Kirsten asked _

"_yeah ,of course"_

_they both entered his room to find an empty bed, the room was right near the exit . they knew he d left the hospital and that he needed more time before he could talk to anyone and tell them what had happened. _

_Ryan sat at the life guard stand . it was marissa s favourite hide out . shed come here whenever she needed to be alone ._

_Marissa was gone , even though they hadn't been together for a while they both still loved each other and that was something that would have never changed. Ryan never really cried he d been through so much in his life that he d become much stronger than he was as a kid. But crying right now was something he couldn't control . what was he going to do without her , she was the love of his life . _


	2. Chapter 2 the funeral

Chapter 2 : the funeral

Two days had passed since the incident had happened ,ryan came back after his escape from the hospital. everyone was still in shock. Marissa was loved by all and thus her death affected everyone but ryan , Julie and summer were effected the most.

Over these 2 days Julie had locked her self in her room , cut herself out from the rest of the world. She cried and cried at the loss of her daughter . Dr Roberts tried talking to her but gave up with no success , he figured that he needed to give her more time .

Summer decided to go off to college after the funeral and move on but even she knew that she was doing this to run away from grieving the loss of her best friend.

Ryan spent most of his time in these two days at the lifeguard stand drinking .

Sandy and Kirsten had tried talking to him but he d just walk out on them. He d be out of the house practically the entire day , so that no one could talk to him . he d told everyone about the car crash ,how it had happened , how volchuck had pushed them off the road and run away .

Marissa s funeral was being held today. Jimmy had come back . even luke had come from Portland. Ryan walked into the kitchen by around 3 30 in the afternoon to find Kirsten and sandy in kitchen.

"hey kid, how are you holding up" sandy said

" you know …ok I guess" ryan said but the way he looked could convice nobody. He looked anything but ok.

His face was pale , his eyes were red , it was apparent that he hadn't been sleeping overall he looked like a mess.

" the funeral is at 5 30 today , so we were thinking we could go there by 5 help Julie out" Kirsten went on.

" I am not coming"

sandy and Kirsten were shocked

"what?" sandy said

" ryan , we know its difficult , but you have to go for marissa ," Kirsten said sweetly

" no , I cant , I am sorry" saying this ryan walked into the poolhouse to avoid anymore questions

ryan removed the box which contained all of marissas belongings , pictures of them together , right from the night he d first arrived at Newport . marissa was the one person who completely understood him and loved for who he was to who he became . right from the beginning they shared this connection which made him feel good even after everything he had been through with his mom and brother.

He also removed a bottle of voka which he d hidden under the bed . ryan had stopped all his bad habits on arriving in Newport and staying with the cohens but after losing marissa nothing really mattered to him.

" do you think ryan will be ok ?" Kirsten asked

"its going to take him a while , marissa was really close to him" sandy replied .

"hey , you guys ready" seth said walking into the kitchen with summer .

"yeah , we are ready , lets leave" sandy replied.

"where s ryan?" summer asked.

"hes not coming" Kirsten said

"do you want me to talk to him, convince him to go" summer offered

" I don't think that's going to work , truthfully summer he s not listening to anyone right now, we should just leave alone for some time" sandy said

"ok"

on reaching the funeral they all went and met Julie and jimmy . kaitlin was standing in the corner talking to brad and eric lukes twin brothers.

"how you doing Julie" sandy asked

" I am ok.." Julie answered it was clear that shed been crying a lot

"wheres ryan" jimmy asked

" hes not coming, hes taking it pretty badly" Kirsten answered

"cohen , summer how are you guys doing ? wheres chino ?" luke asked

luke looked a lot different then seth remembered him , his hair was much shorter .

" hey luke , ryans not coming , hows Portland ?"

"its pretty good I came here as soon as I heard taryn spoke to my mom who called me … I still cant believe she s dead , ryan must be taking it really badly"

"yeah , hes not doing to good right now, but hes not letting anyone help him right now, so theres nothing really we can do"seth said

everyone sat down while Julie spoke , followed by jimmy , kaitlin , summer.

They went home by around 7 .

" I am going to go check on ryan" Kirsten said looking towards the pool house , the lights were on and the doors were shut

"yeah we should see how hes doing" sandy said , leaving seth and summer in the kitchen alone .

"ryan ?" Kirsten said knocking on the glass door of the poolhouse

after a minute they opened the door to find ryan passed out on the bed with a bottle of vodka near him and the box of marissas things lying on the ground

"oh god" sandy said

they both knew that the were in for a tuff time ahead.

End of chapter 2

Please review!


	3. Chapter 3  A mess

Chapter 3

Ryan woke up the next morning by around 10:30 , with a serious hangover. It felt like an elephant was standing on his head. He got up from his bed and realized that he had slept in the clothes he wore yesterday and the box with Marissa's belongings was still lying open the floor. He had a very vague recollection of the events that happened the previous day, he remembered sitting alone in the pool house and drinking vodka and listening to the voice messages marissa had left on his phone a couple a weeks ago , but he could remember nothing beyond that.

That night , when the accident happened kept playing over and over again in his mind. He felt as if his heart had been torn apart and he had nothing else to live for. Although marissa had several problems of her own her presence always made him feel happy and made him forget all his problems , she made him a different person .

"sandy , what are we going to do , college is starting next week and ryan seems to have lost himself completely , after seeing him like that last nigh I am getting really worried" Kirsten said to sandy who had just walked in their room , from his morning surfing ritual. Being a Sunday , no work he would surf for longer.

" Ryan is going through a really ruff time right now and he is definitely not acting himself right now, but all we can do is be there for and let him no that"

Ryan got out of the shower to find seth waiting for him in the pool house. He was looking at the frame which was kept on table near the t.v. it had a picture of marissa and ryan , it was taken when the four of them summer seth marissa and himself had taken jimmy coopers boat out to celebrate the beginning of their senior year.

Ryan walked towards seth and picked up the photo and put it on the bed , away from seth.

" hey man .. how are you doing ? it feels like we don't talk anymore" seth said in rather cheerful voice. Ryan new that seth was only trying to help him , make him feel better but he just needed to be alone. He felt like no one understood what he was going through , how could they although they'd known marissa longer they didn't have that special connection with her .

"seth , I need to be alone right now , I am kind of busy …

"yeah if you call drinking vodka by yourself and passing out busy then sure . What were you thinking ? I know you re going through a bad time right now , but you have to move on , you cant live the rest of your life like this!"

"seth , just get out please!"

"no , I am not leaving ..

this was enough to make ryan walk out . he walked through the kitchen , went by sandy and Kirsten who were just walking in

" hey ." sandy said as ryan walked out of the house "where are you going?"

"out" ryan said as he slammed the house door.

Seth walked into the kitchen , " what happened" sandy asked

For once seths expression didn't need an answer.

Ryan walked on the beach took out his cigarette and started smoking . he headed towards the life guard stand and sat down there . he couldn't understand what to do marissa was gone , he didn't fell like talking to anyone , his head was really hurting, he was a mess , a complete mess. He needed to leave , he couldn't stay in Newport without her , he needed to get away.

Julie sat in her room completely depressed , dr Roberts had gone to the hospital for some work. Jimmy decided to go back he d become the captain of a ship and was doing really well for once. He promised Julie and kaitlin that he would come back more often to see them.

In marissa s old room kaitlin , who was a Julie cooper in the making was blasting her music. Julie entered the room and absent mindedly said " marissa , lower the volume"

Julie realized what she d said , except the expression on her face didn't change much it remained what it had been since a couple of days, as if she would burst out crying any second.

Kaitlin on the other hand went and gave her mother a huge hug.

"mom , i just want you to know that I am there if you ever want to talk or any thing , and even though I probably never showed it that much but I really loved marissa and I really miss her"

Julie gave a small smile , " sweetie, I know and so did your sister and I know that she really loved you too ." .

The two of them sat together for a while , comforting each other.

" ryan where have you been we've been so worried , are you ok?" Kirsten asked as ryan walked in the house.

"have you been smoking?" sandy asked as ryan walked by him, nothing went by sandy.

" I cant do this anymore , I need to leave"

" what ?, ryan we ll help you through this but you have to give us a chance" sandy said

" I am sorry but I need to go , I cant stay here anymore . its , its too hard"

"what about college, ryan you've got in to the one of the best universities of America , are you going to blow off this opportunity?" Kirsten asked in a very concerned motherly tone.

" I cant go to college ….at least not now"

within an hour ryan had left . he couldn't do this to the cohens drive them into more of a mess that he had already . although the accident wasn't his fault directly , he knew that volchuck was after him , he wanted to kill him and not marissa .

end of chapter 3

hey sorry about the delay. I know that the story s going a bit slow right now , I will fasten it up a bit in the next chapter.

So please review!!


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